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WebSlam VII – Round 2
Poems
Priests Accused of Sex Abuse
Ryan Gonzalez — McCurdy School
stickman@cybermesa.com
Albuquerque Journal
Monday, November 1, 2004
“Lawyer makes list of priests accused of sex abuse,”
my eyes begin to drift
I fall asleep and think, where I used to go to confess
suddenly marble walls, and colored windows shade my eyes
I tell him I’ve stolen
I tell him I’ve killed
oddly, he does not care how I feel
forgive me father
“no, tell me your real sins”
he mutters, behind a closed curtain
“I beg your pardon?” I ask
“get to the good stuff”
I open the drape, and see a demon in a white collar
using my confessions like an internet websight
www.mysoul.com
I sought spiritual guidance
but recieved tramautic blindness
I dreamed of a heathen priest
using human lives as commercial meat
I stepped in the church
immediately the bishop must curse
“get out of here hispanic trash!
you are not wanted in this holy palace!
people like you do not deserve the lord”
I asked if God liked anglos anymore
he took off his cloak, and showed me his swastika
how is that an act of God?
he did not answer
he simply stared with aggresion
the message was clear
get out! and never come near
the pews began to shake
the stained glass began to melt
it was clear, I was in hell
the tabernacle liquified before my very eyes
the white collared demon called me by my name
why sell my soul, when there is nothing to buy?
I could see the envy in his eyes
his soul is dead and he wants a piece of mine
he approached me at a distance
whispered there is no such thing as innocence
I awoke, frightened and cold
With my face, smack dab on the front page.
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Reviewer:
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E.A. "Tony" Mares, tmares@swcp.com
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Rating:
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8.1
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Review:
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Ryan,
You’ve chosen a headline that is certainly rich in possibilities for development. Now that can be a problem for a poet because a poem is a form of concentrated energy, language energy. A poem is, I believe, the most concentrated, succinct, form of writing and the richest in levels and nuances of meaning. So, usually, it is better to explore a restricted field of possibilities, or issues, in a poem rather than a whole range. For example, your poem is primarily concerned with the actions of wayward priests. At the same time, however, you wander to racial issues, nazism, and images of the devil. These may all be important aspects of what you see as destructive in the priests’ behavior, but your poem might be stronger if you concentrate on only one or two of these personal, political, social, and theological issues.
I would suggest you try for understatement, rather than overstatement. Your persona’s confession about stealing is plausible. His statement about killing is not. At least it isn’t in terms of this poem, for it’s hard to believe a young killer in the confessional would be much concerned about the sexual behavior of the priest, or that the priest, no matter how bad he might be, would simply ignore this. It’s also hard to believe even a degenerate priest would say “let’s get to the good stuff.”
When you revise, I think your poem will work better if it is not a dream. And although you may want to write poems about racism and about the nazis, in this poem these subjects distract from the pathos, the tragedy of what you are describing. Best to you when you revise — and revise is what almost all poets (the really good ones) do!
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Posted: Nov/6/2004 11:06 pm
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Reviewer:
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Ann Hunkins, ann@earthear.com
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Rating:
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8.3
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Review:
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There are some wonderful lines in this poem, such as “using my confessions as an internet website” and “why sell my soul, when there is nothing to buy?”
I’m a little thrown off by inconsistent punctuation and the fact that the poem is a dream. The moments of looking behind the drapes, the bishop taking off his cloak, etc. are nice turns, but the dialogue seems too overstated and thus unconvincing. This is a serious issue to take on, and would work better through hints and suggestions of what is going on.
Is the poem about the “demon in the white collar” or the racism of the bishop? The title would suggest the first, but perhaps the second is what really comes to the speaker’s mind about his own past. I would focus on one or the other. Keep working at it!
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Posted: Nov/7/2004 3:10 pm
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