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WebSlam VII – Round 1
Poems
Shadows
Alexis Bullington — St. Pius X High School
amgirl1@msn.com
The pale moonlight filters through the trees
Creating strange shadows out of familiar objects.
Something rustles in the leaves.
Could it?
Out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow move.
Could it be?
I can almost smell the stench of death from its breath.
It can’t.
Something brushes my leg.
It can’t be.
My heart pounds faster as I run up the stairs to the porch.
I can hear it running behind me,
The creature of my most frightful dreams.
I can taste my own fear.
I hit the lights and turn around
With false courage and bravado, ready to fight the creature.
A small “meow” comes from my feet along with a rub on my leg.
I let the cat in and lock the door behind me.
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Reviewer:
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Dick Thomas, thomasff@msu.edu
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Rating:
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8.5
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Review:
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This is a good poem that responds well to the prompt. The suspense is good. I think the line “It can’t” is more interruptive than it is helpful for building the suspense. The main weakness of the poem is that it is more predictable than you want it to be. As soon as you use the line “Something brushes against my leg,” I know it’s going to be a cat. Nevertheless, you stay on focus, the rhythm and movement is good, and the imagery, while it’s not always as “fresh” as it could be, seems honest and clear. Well done.
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Posted: Oct/30/2004 12:32 am
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Reviewer:
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Connie Voisine, cvoisine@nmsu.edu
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Rating:
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8.5
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Review:
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Dear Alexis—I really liked how concrete this poem is. It pretty much put a series of pictures in my mind and I never felt that I didn’t know what was going on. I also think by focusing on building suspense you really made us want to read this poem. One thought I have is what if it wasn’t a cat at the end—what if this is evil that’s pursuing the speaker? what would s/he have to do or say or think to get out of that situation? Try it and see what happens.
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Posted: Nov/1/2004 4:18 pm
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